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Tonight my husband cooked us dinner. Now in most households, this might not be such big news. Men who cook- what’s new? Well with my husband he has cooked for us maybe 4 times in the last 6 ½ years I’ve known him. And 2 of those have been in the last couple of weeks. Plus when your husband cooks for you and helps relieve some of the strain of the household duties it is such a wonderful feeling!
You see, in his past relationships his partners have criticised his attempts at cooking and ridiculed him for any efforts made as not good enough. He even had dishes thrown at him as they were not good enough in her eyes.
For someone with chronic depression, this was not great. My husband was made to think through this constant negative reinforcement that he was unable to cook. So he believed it was true for many years.
With a lot of sessions with his psychologist and a lot of encouragement from me, he finally decided to try again. Mostly to start helping me out as a partner should, but also to prove to himself that he could do it.
You may know a lot of men who cook and happily do so. But it has been very trying to live with someone whose answer to being called upon to arrange a meal is to say “Let’s get take out”. This might be okay every so often, but I don’t know a single family whose finances could stretch to do that all the time!
Even the favourite Aussie male past time of barbecuing hasn’t enticed him to cook more than one meal before. So tonight I celebrated that he has now created a dish in the Thermomix (with some back up from me on what things meant in the recipe) and his all-time favourite dish of spaghetti bolognese.
He may still call me to ask how some things are done. But he is slowly building back up that confidence to know he belongs to that group of men who cook once more. And I love that he is doing that! Maybe I will add a few cookbooks on to his Christmas wish list.
Come see more posts about life with my husband here.
And let me know in the comments how you feel when your husband cooks for you!