So many parents seem to have ‘Age gap worry’. They want to know when is the perfect time to have the next child for their lives to go smoothly. Well people! I’m afraid I have to tell you that there is no real magic number that will work for every couple.
Age gap worry- what is the perfect gap?
Some people like to have their kids super close together…which basically means falling pregnant very soon after having the first child. The idea in mind here is that all the little baby stuff will be over sooner if they’re closer in age. And that they will have someone to play with as they grow up. Being so close in age though can mean they go through all the stages of growing up together, toddlerhood, tweens, and teens with a partner in crime. Also, not all siblings get along and play nicely together, so your plan of peaceful interaction together can quickly change to refereeing a boxing match every hour.
Other people like to have their kids further apart. One child starts school and they have the next. This can be to try and avoid sibling rivalry. And being older does not always guarantee avoiding the jealousy curse. I’ve known ten year olds who were completely jealous of a new arrival to the family group and that act worse than some 3 year olds.
Of course all the perfect planning in the world doesn’t guarantee a thing when it comes to kids. Wishing to have an age gap of 2 years between each is all fine and well till it comes to the falling pregnant. There could be issues with fertility and being able to fall pregnant at the right time. Some ladies seem to fall pregnant so easily at that time in their cycle that the slightest look can see them with the next bub a year ahead of schedule. Issues with staying pregnant are also common. I’ve had a dear friend recently who went through a few miscarriages before her current pregnancy. The human body just doesn’t care about these self-imposed deadlines we set up in our minds about our families.
The best laid plans
And lastly, sometimes life and its journey gets in the way of the perfect age gap. When my eldest was 3, I wanted to start trying for a sibling for her. Along came an MS diagnosis, followed by separation and divorce. I didn’t think that the opportunity to even have more children would ever come along my way given my age and medical issues. But it did! I met a new guy, and we eventually decided to try. This resulted in our beautiful toddler, when my eldest was 13. Everyone is shocked at the gap, those who don’t know us that is, but it has been lovely. A caring big sister who just adores her little sister (most of the time) and helps out so much with her.
So don’t be afraid of the ‘Age gap worry’ when it does the rounds in your social circles. You can worry all you like, plan all you like. What is perfect for someone, will not necessarily be for you. Those little personalities do not always match up to an ‘ideal age gap’. Just enjoy those kids, whatever time they come.
What age gap have you got between kids? What do you think is the perfect gap? Comment below.