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Date night ideas when married

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One of the things recommended to help keep your marriage fresh, healthy, and passionate is to have regular dates with your partner (which often requires date night ideas to achieve). Date night is not just for you when you’re single. It is an essential part to your relationship’s well-being. Now they may not be as frequent as when you were dating, but are still important in maintaining the loving feeling between you and your partner. And it is handy to some date night ideas up your sleeve for when you can fit them into your busy schedule.

But of course once you are married or even just a long term relationship it can be harder to think of those date night ideas. And depending on what stage of life you are at can make it harder or easier to arrange times for dates. So here are some date night ideas to try out for those date nights (or days or weekends. However they fit in your life at the moment).

Date night ideas when married. Image of single red rose placed on a calendar page.

First married

Book one night or time a week in for something to do with just your other half. Whether watching something on television together or going out for the night to karaoke try to keep up those activities that you liked to do when you first met.

Memory lane dates

Go visit places that have a positive memory of you as a couple. Where you got married, had your first date, first kiss, etc. Reminisce about those good memories. A weekend away can also be a good re-connection activity where you just get away from the daily stresses and just be the two of you.

Pregnant dates

Give her the chocolate and TV remote and then leave her alone. Ask her what she wants, and then give it to her. (I could list some other date night ideas for her, but believe me it’s safer this way).

New parent dates

As a new parent you may not want to leave your precious bundle with anyone else, but it’s also important to re-connect as a couple, not just as parents. Even just going down to the local coffee shop together while Grandma watches the baby sleeping can be beneficial to you both. But even better is have a few hours to do something you love together (provided you can put down the phone and not worry about the baby updates).

Toddler/Pre-Schooler parent dates

Little kids can often be harder to schedule something in. You may need to schedule in your calendars to arrange something, even if it is only once a month. Locking that time in as essential puts a higher priority on keeping your date appointment, and thus a higher priority on the two of you working well together. Having a nap together on the lounge if your little one still naps may be the only option for some couples. Even if you have a babysitter, do not underestimate the value of a good nap!

Parents of teens dates

Teens are generally easier to organise dates around because you can usually leave them on their own and don’t need to arrange child minding. Usually any activity your teenager frowns upon will guarantee you some alone time together.

Covid dates

Get creative and work out what you can do at home. Try a backyard movie night with beanbags. Arrange for your favourite restaurant to deliver a meal and serve up with candle lights at the dinner table. For those active types, a walk around the block together could be good. Snuggle up and binge watch a season of something on Netflix.

Make it a habit

Making the health of your relationship important in your life is crucial to helping stay in that loving partnership. The longer you stay disconnected from your partner, the harder it can be to reconnect. So try to make it a habit of choosing to have a date with your other half on a regular basis, whether that is once a week or once a month or anything in between. Activities we do repeatedly become more ingrained and easier to continue doing. And surely keeping the flame alive with your partner is something we want to make easy to do.

Comment below with any great date night ideas you like to do with your partner. Or come join a conversation in my Facebook Group.

For tips on how to be more organised come see this post.

7 different ways to spoil your Valentine without flowers

When your husband cooks for you

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when your husband cooks for you - Joining the 'Men who cook" club again

Tonight my husband cooked us dinner. Now in most households, this might not be such a big news item. Men who cook- what’s new? Well with my husband he has cooked for us maybe 4 times in the last 6 ½ years I’ve known him. And 2 of those have been in the last couple of weeks. Plus when your husband cooks for you and helps relieve some of the strain of the household duties it is such a wonderful feeling! So of course I had to celebrate that with a blog post.

You see, in his past relationships my husband’s partners have criticised his attempts at cooking and ridiculed him for any efforts made as not good enough. He even had dishes thrown at him as they were not good enough in her eyes.

when your husband cooks for you - joining the men who cook club - man cooking spaghetti

For someone with chronic depression, this was not great. My husband was made to think through this constant negative reinforcement that he was unable to cook. So he believed it was true for many years. And would not even want to think about trying to cook something, even basic things. The most cooked item he probably had done for years was putting bread into the toaster.

When your husband cooks for you – Joining the ‘Men who cook’ club again.

With a lot of sessions talking with his psychologist about it and a lot of encouragement from me, he finally decided to try again. Mostly to start helping me out as a partner should, but also to prove to himself that he could do it. when your husband cooks for you

when your husband cooks for you - joining the men who cook club - man cooking spaghetti
All set to cook spaghetti

You may know a lot of men who cook regularly and happily do so. But it has been very trying to live with someone whose answer to being called upon to arrange a meal because I simply can’t do it due to fatigue from my MS is to say “Let’s get take out”. This might be okay every so often, but I don’t know a single family whose finances could stretch to do that all the time! And sometimes I may be out of action for several days in a row. So it simply wasn’t a good option.

Even the favourite Aussie male past time of barbecuing hasn’t enticed him to cook more than one meal before. (Crazy I know!) So tonight I celebrated that he has now created a dish in the Thermomix (with some back up from me on what things meant in the recipe) and his all-time favourite dish of spaghetti bolognese.

He may still call me to ask how some things are done (okay probably a lot of times). But he is slowly building back up that confidence to know he belongs to that group of men who cook once more. And I love that he is doing that! Maybe I will add a few cookbooks on to his Christmas wish list.

Come see more posts about life with my husband here.

And let me know in the comments how you feel when your husband cooks for you! How often does your husband or partner cook for you? when your husband cooks for you

Living with depression in marriage- Depression and relationships can it work?

Living with depression in marriage- Depression and relationships can it work?

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Being in a relationship with a partner who has depression is tough. Depression and relationships can work, but it takes a lot of work from both people. And depression in marriage can be slightly tougher if you hold the view of being there for your other half through sickness and health seriously. This is my own view on how depression can affect relationships and what it’s like actually being married to someone with depression.

Depression can be a huge thing to admit to with your partner. It’s your brain constantly having dark thoughts, and nothing from your usual life being able to lift you back up out of that darkness. The chemical imbalance of the brain just will not allow any good thoughts in at that time. It can change you from a loving caring partner, to the nastiest piece of work out there. And to a lot of men, that can be so humiliating that they have little control over that.

My husband Steve has chronic depression. He’s had it for over 20 years. And it seems to originate from an incident of being assaulted and being critically injured at that time. Since then he’s been on various medications to help with depression, anxiety and impulse control. He sees various medical professionals that help him in dealing with this condition- psychologist, psychiatrist, and his regular doctor. But quite often he can be forgetful and not attend booked appointments which can lead to a long wait for a new appointment date.

It is chronic depression as it is ongoing and unlikely to be cured by any means. It’s trying to manage the worst of the symptoms and let him live as normal a life as possible. Because some days just getting out of bed itself can be a challenge for someone with depression.

If your partner is on medication, it is so crucial to your relationship that they take it as prescribed by the doctor and take it regularly. This can be hindered by other behaviours at times too, such as not coming home regularly at night (or at all). But if it’s not taken as prescribed, it can’t do its job. This is a big issue with my husband- he’s started medication for impulse control, but it needed a higher dose as wasn’t working well enough. But then he doesn’t come home on time to be taking it and getting enough weeks of it into his system to stop the impulsive behaviours.

It’s important to work together on triggers that make the depression worse. Your partner might not notice the behaviours that lead up to bad episodes, but you certainly will after a few times. Note these down for them to talk about with you or a psychologist, so strategies can be formulated to work on those in the future. Some triggers that might be causing issues are special occasions (birthdays, Christmas, etc), toxic relationships with others, big life events.

You could witness a whole range of behaviours come out due to depression. Ones that are common here are avoidance of talking to me, panic attacks, obsession over things like football and hobbies, gambling, suicidal or bad thoughts and running away to a place to think (or overthink as they tend to do).

Know that times in any relationship can get tough. And with depression, this is probably an absolute guarantee. The statistics of couples staying together with unmanaged depression in the mix can be frightening. When your partner isn’t pulling their weight in your marriage or relationship for an extended period, and exhibiting all sorts of behaviours that are not socially acceptable, you may want to throw in the towel. And many, many people do. Hence why opening up to others about their depression can be so difficult to sufferers. They are afraid of getting close, hurting someone else, and then feeling worse in themselves. And then the cycle repeats itself.

beautiful lady's eye with single tear running down side of face.-Living with depression in marriage blog post

If you do need to step away from the situation (for a few minutes or a permanent break), don’t be afraid of the excuses either. To help support your partner, you need to be looking after yourself too. Don’t let their problems eat away at you and become your problems too. Take time out to relax from managing issues with them. Take care of your own health and the rest of your family. And if it all becomes too much, let them know about it and go talk to someone who can help you decide if it’s in your best interests to stay or go.

But know that if you do stick around with your partner, they are grateful that you can look beyond the illness, the behaviours and love the person they can be. They love that you are a strong person they can depend upon to support them through the difficult times. And maybe you’ll be able to help out others thinking of whether living with depression in marriage is for them.

If you or your partner are showing signs of depression and need some help, here are a few resources available in Australia. Lifeline Australia is a national charity providing all Australians experiencing a personal crisis with access to 24 hour crisis support and suicide prevention services. And Beyond Blue provides information and support to help everyone in Australia achieve their best possible mental health, whatever their age and wherever they live.

Come and see more of my posts about marriage here.

7 different ways to spoil your Valentine without flowers

7 different ways to spoil your Valentine without flowers

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7 different ways to spoil your Valentine without flowers

Why am I writing about 7 different ways to spoil your Valentine without flowers? Whether you are married, have been together for years or just dating, Valentine’s Day can be an expensive occasion! The price of gifts and flowers goes up for the day, far above the usual costs. But not everyone can afford to get rich, lavish bouquets of flowers year after year, and all the extras on top, plus a night out somewhere fancy. (Especially if you have a lot of birthdays around end of January and February like our little family). So I’ve put together a few ideas for those who want different ways to spoil your Valentine without flowers.

Have a Picnic

Here in Australia, Valentine’s Day is at the end of summer, so quite warm still. Pack together a picnic hamper and take your Valentine out to a favourite location -a park, the beach, etc. We love going to our local lagoon and watching the ducks and swans whilst we sit on a rug. Remember to pack the mosquito repellent if going out in the evening.

Cook a favourite meal

heart biscuits, Valentine's day cuppa

Does your loved one have a favourite dish that you can create at home? Why not spend the night in, cooking it together. Put out the fancy dinnerware, open a bottle of wine and throw in some flowers from the garden. Or those romantic candles you never get a chance to use except in power outages. A nice romantic dinner for two, that you have both helped create can be delightful! Or a breakfast with just the two of you! Enjoy the romance of just doing some cooking together and having a whole heap of laughs along the way.

Experiences

Try something new with your Valentine. Arrange for a horse riding outing, a hot air balloon ride or take a trip to somewhere you’ve never been before. (We’ve tried all of these together, even if a little bit scared in the process). New adventures can help sustain that spark you have for each other, rather than being stuck in the same boring old routine all the time.

Pamper Session

Whether you get your Valentine a pamper session at the local salon or some DIY products for use at home, pampering is always appreciated! Ladies and gents all need a little bit of time to unwind and relax after the busy lives we live these days! I love it when my husband helps fuel my love for pamper packages at my beautician‘s. Or even offer to give a massage to your partner after a hard day at work.

See a Movie

Find out a current movie your Valentine is keen to go to, and organise tickets to go with them for a session. (And be sure to not critique or ask constant questions during the movie!)

Make your own Slideshow

Using photos of your Valentine, create a digital slideshow or album for them. Let them know which moments you’ve enjoyed having with them.

The gift of Time

Sometimes all our partner wants is a bit of time spent with you, their partner. Time that isn’t taken up with worrying about the kids, the mortgage or how work has been. So set aside some time to just be the two of you together.

wedding couple holding hands

Now, I still personally won’t say no to the flowers if they turn up on Valentine’s Day. But I’d also love if some of these other activities were thrown into the mix. I do enjoy knowing that my husband loves me and wants to spoil me in any way he can. If you have any ideas of different ways to spoil your Valentine without flowers, comment below. different ways to spoil your valentine without flowers

Date night ideas when married

How my hubby can drive me insane

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How my hubby can drive me insane- married couple looking into camera with heads together

The problem

My husband has a secret habit. It’s not the worst habit he could have, but it is entirely devastating to my winter wardrobe. You see my husband can drive me insane simply by pinching and wearing my socks! My socks!

If that isn’t enough to drive you insane then this surely will. He has great big man feet! He pulls on my little ladies socks (okay, maybe not so little at ladies size 9 Au, but smaller than his), and the sock is forever stretched, never to return to its original size again. Never! And try as I might, they just will not fit right any more…falling down into my shoes, instead of sitting where good socks do.

Maybe if I was a better 1950s wife and always had his socks matched up in his drawer ready to go, this wouldn’t happen. He’d have every pair in there ready to do, instead of in the washing baskets in the lounge room because it’s his job to fold his own darn socks!

But instead of that situation, we have this one. One where I go to find my pair of new black socks that I knew I got off the line yesterday. Yet one is missing from the basket. In all likelihood said sock has made it into his suitcase for a trip to Melbourne, never to be seen by me again.

How my hubby can drive me insane- man's legs with dark socks on walking down stairs

Attempts at solving the problem

Now I’ve tried a few methods to try and keep my socks safe. Made sure all mine went straight in my sock drawer. Nope! He just pinches a pair from there when he can’t find a match. Buying big safety pins to clip his together in the wash.  But he’s not organised to do that last thing at night when he takes his socks off. I’ve even bought socks with pink/purple accents so he could tell they were mine. He doesn’t look. And doesn’t really care. He will wear any socks! Even my knee length frilly pair! Stretched! Gone to sock heaven! No wonder he can drive me insane.

How my hubby can drive me insane - person's legs with jeans and white socks lying on long grass

The not-so-perfect solution

Of course I still love him to pieces! It would just be nice if my socks could last one season! I think I’m resigned to the fact he will always lose his socks (and mine). Maybe I should just throw out all the old unmatched ones and make a new start of it. With a brand new husband proof lock on my sock drawer to lessen the chance of him being able to drive me insane.

What things does your husband/partner do that drive you crazy? Comment below! Surely mine isn’t the only thing to do silly things like this! Or come join in the chat in my Facebook group.

For some more stories about our marriage – click here.

Date night ideas when married